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[http://calsun.canoe.ca/News/Columnists/Robinson_Ian/2007/07/15/4340814-sun.html
Brilliant marketing
New motto of Catholic Church: 'We're the real thing'
By IAN ROBINSON
Sun, July 15, 2007
I may not be a Roman Catholic but I love Pope Benedict. For the record, I'm an Anglican Catholic. Motto: All the aerobic genuflecting of a Roman Catholic mass but only half the guilt! Roman Catholic Lite, so to speak. The lo-fat religion.
So our priests can be female, all of them can marry, the gay ones are supposed to refrain from being too gay. That means no sex, but it's OK to own the complete works of Celine Dion and do an absolutely fabulous job redecorating the rectory. I'm not sure what the rules are for slow dancing with other guys.
We use birth control --which is why we're outnumbered by Catholics of the Roman variety -- and we don't confess our sins to the priest, we do it directly to God, in silence, and then the priest kind of waves his hand and tells us we're forgiven. Aside from that, we believe all the same stuff.
We're forbidden from creating graven images and worshipping them, committing adultery, murder, bearing false witness - you know. And we're supposed to accept Christ as our saviour and be nice to each other. Oh yeah. And Queen Elizabeth II is the official head of my church.
So we can be as uptight as anybody, OK?
Although there are major theological differences, I still deeply admire Pope Benedict. First of all, he appears to have all the charisma of Alberta Liberal Leader Kevin Taft. This may seem like a disadvantage, but it isn't. Bad things happen when popes are too charismatic.
You start out just going to church like everybody else, and the next thing you know you've got a sword in your hand and you're besieging Jerusalem and guys worshipping for the other team are trying to pour boiling oil on your head. So I like the fact Benedict is charismatically challenged. It's safer for everybody.
And I love the fact he's kind of obnoxious when it comes to speaking his mind. He says what he believes no matter who it annoys and I like that. (Not that I'm comparing myself to the current occupant of the throne of St. Peter, mind you, but a couple of other Sun columnists come to mind.)
And what he believes right now is if you're not a Roman Catholic, your church is either defective or not a real church at all and that Roman Catholicism is the only path to salvation.
The Roman Catholic Church. Motto: We're the real thing!
As a marketing move, it's brilliant. Christianity is never going to be unified.
Anybody who ever sat on the board of directors of a single parish knows that. Internal parish politics make what goes on in the House of Commons look like a New Age Hugathon.
So Benedict isn't losing anything by telling every follower of Christ who isn't looking to him for leadership that they're wrong, wrong, wrong and, by the way fellas, enjoy roasting in Hell for eternity. He is shoring up his own faithful.
Father Tom Reese, a leading American Jesuit author, said: "His intention is not to insult people, but many times that's the way it comes across. He uses the words the way he defines them whether people like it or not, whether it upsets gays, women, theologians, Protestants or Muslims."
Speaking of insulted Muslims, last year, Benedict quoted from a text associating Islam with violence. In the wake of that statement, members of the religion of peace rioted across the planet. The death toll was obscene, given the minor provocation. Benedict is nothing, if not smart.If he's gonna pick on anybody today, he's gonna pick on his fellow-Christians.
Bring it on, Benedict.
The worst non-Roman Catholic Christians are gonna do is write something disagreeing with you. Perhaps a sternly worded letter.
No riots. No deaths on your conscience.
And then we're gonna go to church and pray for you.
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