A rchive Date
[ 16-05-2000 ]
Category
[ International Relations ]
sub-Categoy
[ Mass Media ]
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[A lot off the top
Mindless stuff from Steve Tilley's world
By STEVE TILLEY
Edmonton Sun
May 6, 2000
When I was a kid (don't start on the 'we're going all the way back to last week again, are we?' jokes), I used to collect all kinds of trading cards. This was in the innocent days of trading cards, when they were made of non-glossy cardboard, came five to a pack and included a stick of pink-stained fibreboard that you were supposed to believe was chewing gum.
They didn't come sealed in Mylar, there were no holograms and you weren't supposed to play games with them, other than flicking them against the wall behind the portable at recess to win that rare Wacky Packages "Land o' Quakes butter" card, or the Empire Strikes Back one showing the Imperial Probe Droid. Watch out, Han Solo!
The trading cards of my youth are gone now, replaced with a multibazillion-dollar industry that keeps finding newer and more inventive ways of siphoning cash from parents through that convenient conduit known as children. First there was the sports cards craze, which seems to have finally faded away and died like the Edmonton Oilers in a playoff series.
Then there was the hyper-complicated game card craze, in which grown men played long and heated tournaments of Magic: the Gathering against each other, perhaps in the hope that there might be some dimension-altering rift in the space-time continuum that would lead to a universe where women found this sort of thing attractive.
And now ... now we're seeing what is either the scariest phenomenon in many, many moons or a sign heralding a new age of female empowerment. (Come to think of it, the former could be used to describe the latter.) Trading cards aimed at girls, in which the object is to collect .. boys.
Boy Crazy! trading cards were introduced this past Valentine's Day - naturally - as a way to include teen and pre-teen girls in the spending-$7.99-for-a-pack-of-cards-that-cost-roughly-33-cents-to-make phenomenon, formerly the exclusive domain of young males. Thank God for equality!
There are 363 cards in all, each one featuring a photo, vital statistics and cute little tidbits about a boy. Not a Backstreet Boy or Nuh-Sync boy, but a real, live, boy-next-door boy. The idea is that girls can collect the cards, play a matchmaking game with them or just gather around and swoon over these mall-bred cuties.
For instance, Richard from Georgia "is not only a great listener, he's also an accomplished writer... Richard hopes the world will come together and learn to teach young people how to make better decisions." (It should be noted Richard also likes Boyz II Men. Hey, Dick, maybe this better-decision thing should start with YOUR MUSICAL TASTES.)
William from Washington's best quality is integrity. Matt from Colorado once won second place in a pie-eating competition. Brandon from Utah loves to wrestle. And so on, and so on. Aieeeee!
Maybe I shouldn't be creeped out about this, but holy gosh momma in the kitchen making buttermilk flapjacks, I sure as hell am. If I were a parent of a 12-year-old girl, the LAST thing I'd want her thinking about or looking at or collecting would be boys. Kittens and bunnies, fine. Unicorn figures, sure. But no boys until she's 30. No, make that 35.
Girls, of course, will argue that turnabout is fair play, what with men always having treated women like collectables; that this is a harmless, fun way to encourage social interaction among girls; that it's healthy and positive to have girls swoon over real-life, real-looking guys (trust me, these boys aren't all Gap ad hotties or anything). But see, that's the problem with women! They insist on using LOGIC!
More or less, that is ... at the Boy Crazy! site on the Internet, it asks that the media not give out any details about the boys that might identify them, since, to quote the release, "the Boy Crazy! product is designed for girls who are exactly that - boy crazy! So, it's somewhat difficult to predict what a boy-crazy girl might do to get the attention of a boy she has focused her affections on." (Coming soon to a store near you: Boy Obsessed! The Trading Card Game for Future Stalkers.)
Anyway, moms and dads, be warned. Boy Crazy! could be the Pokemon for the fairer sex, except that you can't have Danny from Florida use flying thunder tail attack against Aaron from Minnesota in the hopes of knocking Aaron unconscious, thus earning you another Boy Crazy! trainer badge. Although, come to think of it, that would be intensely cool.
Whoa. I just had a really, really good idea. Anybody know where a guy can buy pink-stained fibreboard? In bulk?
Steve Tilley can be reached by e-mail at steve@compusmart.ab.ca
 World Fact Book (CIA)]
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