A rchive Date
[ 03-11-2002 ]
Category
[ International Relations ]
sub-Categoy
[ Canada ]
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[http://www.canoe.ca/Columnists/dunford_nov3.html
Jailbirds squawk
Half our Supreme Court thinks Karla's dark prince should have the right to vote
By GARY DUNFORD -- Toronto Sun
November 3, 2002
JAIL BAIT: Just one little question: If prisoners care so much about their blessed vote and model citizenship, what the hell are they doing in the slammer? Seems almost careless to me. What were they thinking?
"Gee Spike, I never dreamed when I pistol-whipped that corner store clerk or knifed a guy outside the after-hours joint I might not be able to help elect Joe Clark or Sheila Copps. I mean, ya just don't think about that stuff."
Well, duh. Does news the use of anti-depressants in Canada has soared come as any surprise? Why are we what psychiatrists call a "very anxious" nation? Will giving jailbirds the vote slow down our prescription scrip? Who knew crooks cared so much about politics anyway?
Two words: They don't.
Long-term prisoners just have all the time in the world to fuddle with the system. Be the same trouble-monkeys on the inside as they were on the street. Square wheels. Anti-social. The rules still don't apply. Petition somebody. File a human rights snit. Complain. Bitch about the food, bitch about cable, bitch about the vote. I am prisoner, hear me howl.
The big birds of Canada's Supreme Court -- as distant and remote from real life themselves as any inhabitants of Oz -- come down an iffy 5-4 to give jailbirds the vote. Don't worry, be happy. Everybody take a Valium. Pop this little purple pill as a chaser.
You think any criminal in the clink this morning is worrying about his Hydro One bills?
How many bad boys you figure are shaking their heads over the $1,400 a month extortion that rents a so-so two-bedroom in midtown T.O?
You think Cellblock B worries there's nuthin' in the fridge for dinner?
Who's kidding who?
Any wardens shavin' a few degrees off the heat in those cells to keep the energy meters from spinnin' like tops? Anybody turning the hot water off overnight? Any jailbirds shiverin' themselves to sleep like downtown homeless sprawled on subway grates?
Can I see a show of hands? Who thinks long-termers and lifers in Canadian prisons are the wretched, scabby chorus from Les Miserables?
You think prison yards are hotbeds of political discourse? Yap about smokes, drugs, snacks, plots maybe -- but POLITICS? The Vote?
"Yo Spike, if the Liberals controlled the Legislature, things would be totally different for all of us. Give up your NDP party card, dude. They got no hope. And don't even talk to me about Ernie ..."
Don't kid a kidder.
Sure, jail ain't paradise -- but you gotta be outside prison these days to be on anti-depressants. Compared to the worries, angst, anxiety of stickhandling family, career and life, prison life is a cinch. Bed, books, bananas, TV, weights, rec, chaplain, privileges if you don't smear crap on the walls or sass the guard.
Old-age homes offer far fewer activities or facilities -- and prisoners don't surrender their life savings to scrape up an $1,800-a-month co-payment.
Prison's the army -- or truth be told, anybody's current employment. Rules, regimens, discipline, no-nos, rewards. Pecking orders, superiors, jailers. They're in prison over there. You're in prison out here.
There's no parole board to spare ordinary Canadians their mortgage loads, car payments, bitchy relatives, economic overloads. There's no early-release program, my precious long-suffering children of the Visa.
Set you free from 22% annual interest? As if.
So if you can vote in or outside prison, if there's conjugal sex on both sides of the wall, if we're all watching 24 and Survivor together, what exactly is society's punishment here? What is being denied wrong-doers? Show me the hammer that's supposed to rehabilitate misfits?
Where's the punishment?
Too little bacon for breakfast?
Unstylish slammer-wear?
Last year's too-slow Pentium computers?
Eight hours a day of touch-typing to file nuisance motions and briefs?
Do you know what you have to do in this country to be jailed for two years and a day? Read this newspaper and marvel at the startling galaxy of crime, cruelty, flimflam and violence that don't make the cut. Wouldn't prisoners who truly want to vote make sure their devil deeds only merit four-year slammer stretches? Hey dude, be out in time to vote!
Hell, you can participate in the crime of the century in Ontario -- multiple murders! -- and be back in your own little bedroom in about 10 minutes. Has some gal-pal already ordered her new Disney-Mickey Mouse sheets?
And half our Supreme Court thinks Karla's dark prince should have the vote! WHAT? No wonder prescription drug sales are up 40% in five years.
"Gee Spike, this Dunf jerk sure don't understand our jail situation. We didn't do nuthin'. We got our rights. Let's send him an e-mail."
Spare me, deadbeats. We're in prison out here too. It just costs more.
© 2002 Gary Dunford Reach Dunf at (416) 947-2246 or by e-mail at pagesix@aol.com Or visit his home page
Letters to the editor should be sent to editor@sunpub.com
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