A rchive Date
[ 23-02-2005 ]
Category
[ International Relations ]
sub-Categoy
[ Canada ]
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[Red, white, and who needs blue?
By EARL McRAE Ottawa Sun
July 1, 2000
Hello, Canada, and happy birthday.
I remember when you turned 100. I was there. Expo '67 that is, the last great birthday bash you had when we were all filled with a beautiful innocence and hope as Canadians.
The innocence, sadly, has gone, the hope is still in our genes, and something new has come along that was there for Expo '67, but not much on your birthdays before or after that. The P word. Patriotism. Have you noticed it, Canada? Like never before, the flags are flying, the bands are playing, the bells are ringing, the crowds are gathering and rejoicing.
Like, hey America, you aren't the only ones - look at us.
No, Canada, you aren't perfect by any means, but we love ya anyway.
At 133, you're looking not bad, which is why we don't mind showing you off on our arms to the rest of the world and, yeah, that includes the Americans who know a thing or two about showing off their old dowager.
That brings me, Canada, to my big fear today.
Americans.
That "Joe Canadian'' beer commercial where we dissed the Americans for not respecting you enough. Where Joe told the Americans we're damn proud of you and we slagged the Americans for not knowing more about you like, uh, we know all about you.
Fears test
With Joe Canadian having laid it out there, my big fear today, your birthday, is that I'll run into an American touring the city who, finding out I'm a Canadian, will put me to the test as in, "Hey, Canuck, you say you know Canada? Okay, pal, prove it - no lifelines - here come the questions.''
Don't worry Canada, babe, I'll not let you down.
I've been cramming like crazy this week so as to make you proud. Refreshing what I knew, discovering what I didn't know. What I have now in my arsenal will impress the old dame to the south and her toy-boys. Bring 'em on.
If they ask about our flag, I'll tell them it replaced the Red Ensign in 1965 which replaced the Union Jack in 1945, and then I'll tell them about "Jack and Jacques.''
That'll floor 'em because not many Canadians know about Jack and Jacques.
Jack and Jacques are the names given to what looks like two guys arguing forehead to forehead, their facial profiles formed by the white above the flag against the red maple leaf. Jack and Jacques, quarrelling. Beautifully Canadian, that.
If they ask about the beaver and why the beaver, I'll tell them it was the staple of the early Canadian fur trade, and that when Sir Sandford Fleming designed the first Canadian postage stamp in 1851, the beaver was the first star. Not skinned, either. He beat Elvis's stamp by 140 years. Take that, Mrs. America.
If they ask about the maple leaf and why the maple leaf, I'll tell them our early aboriginal people favoured the food properties of the maple tree sap, that the maple leaf has been a Canadian symbol since 1700, but not officially recognized as our arboreal emblem until 1996. I'll tell them that - yes - the French St. Jean Baptiste Society was the first organization to make the maple leaf its symbol in 1834, the first on the continent. Take that, Mrs. America.
I'll tell them the maple leaf appears on our penny, but was on all of our coins from 1876 to 1901, that there are 13 species of maple leaf in North America, and we've got 10 of 'em. Take that, Mrs. America.
If they ask about inventions and what did we ever invent, I'll tell them we invented their famous comic strip hero Superman, we invented basketball, insulin, pablum, the cobalt bomb for radiation treatment, computerized braille, the dental mirror, the electric wheelchair, five-pin bowling, the foghorn, the paint roller, the cardiac intensive care unit.
And these ...
If they cry enough, already, I'll tell them we invented the green plastic garbage bag, we invented hair tonic, the Jolly Jumper, breast pads for nursing mothers, the rollerskate, the snow blower, and if they cry mercy, please, I'll tell them we invented the snowmobile, the washing machine, the Walkie-Talkie, table hockey, gingerale, the telephone, the heart pacemaker, the wirephoto.
But, I'll say my best for last. If they yell "shut up,'' I'll inform them we invented what we'd now like to use to shut them up. The zipper. Take that, Mrs. America.
Happy birthday, Canada.
McRae can be reached at (613) 739-5133, ext. 469 or emailed at earl_mcrae@ottawasun.com
 World Fact Book (CIA)]
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