A rchive Date
[ 13-04-2004 ]
Category
[ International Relations ]
sub-Categoy
[ Mass Media ]
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[http://www.canoe.ca/NewsStand/Columnists/Edmonton/Steve_Tilley/2004/04/10/415350.html
I don't like to judge people
By STEVE TILLEY -- For the Edmonton Sun
I like to be open-minded about different beliefs, traditions, cultures, fashions, body modifications, levels of attentiveness to personal hygiene, - you name it, I'll embrace it. As long as it doesn't smell really bad. Or pinch my butt.
But where I stumble is when it comes to stupid people. I don't mean unintelligent people ... me hating dummies would be like a person in a glass house hating, uh, things made out of glass. Houses, in particular. See what I mean?
And yet it's hard to define exactly what "stupid" means.
Forrest Gump, famous stupid person in an equally stupid movie, said, "Stupid is as stupid does." Which was his way of saying stupidity is like good art: you can't really describe it, but you know it when you see it.
This week I have beheld stupidity in its myriad forms, such as a guy who literally stopped his car in the middle of a busy five-lane thoroughfare because he missed the Home Depot turnoff.
Hey, rather than jeopardize the lives of the dozens of motorists screeching around you, why not circle the block? Unless the idea of having to make four consecutive right turns is simply too daunting. Moron.
I grit my teeth and stiffen my upper lip through these tribulations, but the one that kind of broke my spirit like Marlon Brando's wicker chair was word of a new kind of DVD player that will edit out the "offensive" content in hundreds of different films. Swears, boobies, gore and possibly Ben Affleck's acting - all zapped with the touch of a button.
When watching the PG-13 Spider-Man, for instance, it would filter out the single use of the f-word, some violence and 15 "profane references to a deity." (No more taking Odin's name in vain, Peter Parker!)
Although the story made headlines in some papers this week and was predictably linked to the omnipotent influence of Janet Jackson's floppy right teat, this company has actually been quietly offering the service for a few years now, though only on computers that can play DVDs. Now they're making a stand-alone player, which will (unsurprisingly) be sold exclusively at Wal-Mart and Kmart, home to our continent's most discriminating and open-minded consumers.
Where do you even start with something like this? With the people who want their movies watered down to G-rated pap? With parents who think technology is the answer to protecting their kids from impure thoughts? With the company's employees who create the filters and decide what does and doesn't constitute offensive content? 'Cause unless the entire 106 minutes of Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle is one black, silent screen, they haven't done their jobs properly.
Or do you point the staff of stupidity at the movie industry, which is crying foul and claiming this technology interferes with directors' visions of their films? Guess what, guys, I often fast-forward through the boring parts of The Two Towers (and then pause lovingly on Miranda Otto's heaving bodice), and I don't much care if that makes Peter Jackson lose sleep at night. If I can play my Black Sabbath records backwards and be gripped with the urge to drown the neighbour's cat, I can watch whatever bits of a movie I want. It's not like this stupid technology is being forced down people's throats, though that still doesn't make it any less stupid.
In conclusion, and more or less off-topic, wasn't it ironic (don't you think?) that Alanis declared Canada "the true North, and censor-free" at the Junos, and yet she couldn't actually swear OR reveal anything more than her unitard allowed? And aren't we the same country that had a collective cow when Conan O'Brien's dog puppet came up here and made fun of Frenchies?
Stupid is as stupid does. It's a good thing we're so darn cute, too.
 World Fact Book (CIA)]
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