A rchive Date
[ 26-04-2003 ]
Category
[ International Relations ]
sub-Categoy
[ Iraq ]
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[http://www.canoe.ca/Columnists/tilley.html
My initial assessment is that you all will die.
By STEVE TILLEY
Edmonton Sun
April 26, 2003
Well, it's true. You all will die eventually, so don't go shooting the messenger.
It's a fact of life, one that even Blair and Tootie and Mrs. Garrett herself could tell you.
Of course, these words have a slightly different meaning when they're coming from behind the moustache of Iraqi information minister Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf, who's never met a piece of rhetoric that he didn't like. Heck, he doesn't just like rhetoric, he chats it up, buys it drinks and takes it home to give it a good rhetorical shtupping. And yes, I'm not quite sure what rhetoric means either. Or shtupping, for that matter.
In case you're one of the fortunate three people on earth who managed to avoid all television coverage of the war, al-Sahaf was the Iraqi regime spokesman who, until the fall of Baghdad, would field questions on what he thought Iraq's odds were against the coalition war juggernaut.
"Our initial assessment is that they will all die," he'd respond with a straight face as American tanks thundered by unopposed in the background. Or, "My feelings, as usual, we will slaughter them all." Or, "We made them drink poison last night, and Saddam Hussein's soldiers and great forces gave the Americans a lesson which will not be forgotten by history. Honestly."
Web sites devoted to al-Sahaf have popped up all over the Net, like the site WeLoveTheIraqiInformationMinister.com with its collection of his best offerings. Type the URL carefully, though, otherwise you may end up being redirected to a "make money at home!" site or something about hot college panty parties. No, seriously.
But really, who cares about al-Sahaf's bon mots, genius though they may be, when you can create your own?
The coolest I.I.M. site of all is TheInformationMinister.com, where you can make your own mock al-Jazeera broadcasts starring al-Sahaf hisself, with subtitles and a backdrop provided by you.
Everybody from sports fans to car buffs to video game geeks have whipped up their own al-Sahaf spiels, usually as a way of bagging on rival fans/buffs/geeks.
"Do not believe these lies," says one, the backdrop a Toronto Sun front page about the Leafs crapping the bed against Philly in Game 7.
"The Flyers are slashing their ankles in humiliation. Join me in a victory parade on Yonge Street."
In another, apparently by a Microsoft-lovin' games geek, al-Sahaf speaks about the top-selling PlayStation 2: "The Xbox is the chosen console of Allah. The PS2 infidels have been defeated. Do not buy the PS2. It has demons inside."
So enamoured was I by the site that I actually did, like, journalist stuff and talked to Anthony Rushton, commercial director of U.K. "digital stunt group" Jaildog.com.
They launched the Iraqi Information Minister site a little over two weeks ago, and Rushton said there are already 86,000 user-created information minister "broadcasts" in their database, with the site groaning under the weight of 370,000 visitors per day.
"The U.K. football premiership was a key factor in its initial growth, with Manchester United fans and Arsenal fans using the site to wind each other up prior to a big game," said Rushton. Yeah, I'm not sure what he means either, but just nod politely.
"The site is potently viral, most of the spread comes via e-mail and the rest is bar talk," Rushton said. Normally you don't want to hear "potently viral" and "bar talk" together in the same sentence, but we get the idea.
While al-Sahaf hasn't been heard from since coalition forces took over Baghdad - he's probably crafting a press release about the upcoming Iraqi counterstrike that will wipe the infidels off the face of the Earth - I wondered what he might say if he came across the site.
Steve Tilley can be reached by e-mail at steve@compusmart.ab.ca. Letters to the editor should be sent to letters@edm.sunpub.com
 World Fact Book (CIA)]
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