A rchive Date
[ 16-06-2000 ]
Category
[ International Relations ]
sub-Categoy
[ Canada ]
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[Yeah, Brian is the boss of me
By GARY DUNFORD
Toronto Sun
June 16, 2000
BIG DEAL: "Mulroney's your new boss!" chortles Will. "Can hardly wait until your next Sun open house, the Chin Picnic. My guess is your next boss after the PM will be Ivan Fecan. It would top off an illustrious career." His or mine? Was it Kim Campbell who once said: "I have a tattoo of Mulroney's last caucus meeting on my butt. If I gain 10 pounds, Brian looks like the guy from Blues Traveler." I can add no more.
SWEET HOME T.O.: "Dunf!" begs Carrie D. "Tell me none of the louts throwing bricks and firebombs yesterday at the Legislature were your Decorated Homeless." Did they look pretty to you? Were they polite to tourists? Did you spot any Toronto celebrities or historical figures? My Decorated Homeless were marked by their absence at yesterday's melee. To be fair, Mel's moose also declined to take part. They hate pepper spray.
MANLY MOWER ARTS: "A column about a lawn named Bob?" asks Harry. "I love your writing, but you gotta shave, have a bath and leave your log cabin ... Your editors must be terrified that if they reject a column, you'll show up with an Uzi. You're a maverick and a rebel, but please come back to us normal schleps a bit." One protest -- yet a dozen helpful readers were quick with Lawn Mowing advice. "Herb made the big leap to a 60-inch (mower) when he probably should have held back to a 42," e-mails Doug. "There is a manly art to carving a lawn, just like a Thanksgiving turkey. You wouldn't think of stepping up from a Wiltshire Staysharp to a machete. The most important thing my father taught me: Mow a straight row. I took a swig of my beverage as I passed the birch, eyeballed the gate, held tight the wheel and aimed the Yardman. My next step up: A John Deere. Tell Herb the identity he craves comes from within himself and the way he carves." Thank you, Obi-Wan. May the lawn be with you, little grasshoppers.
DARK INTENT: "I sympathize greatly with Mr. Latimer," e-mails T.D. "(His disabled daughter) was not three days old. That family suffered more than most of us can believe. You can't imagine pain -- that's a fact ... You have to experience it. And then it's forgotten till it comes again. Or in Tracy Latimer's case, again and again and again and again. Relentless pain. All for her and daddy to bear. How long could you witness your buddy on the battlefield, before you ended his suffering? A minute, a month, or a year?" Few have the depth of experience to realistically consider that question.
LAW & ORDER: "Dunf, you are making the critical mistake of confusing intent, as used in the legal system, with motive," suggests Craig, a self-described reformed lawyer. "Latimer's motive was compassionate, his intent was to kill. If his lawyers win the appeal, then we will be on the road to the end suggested by your column. However, intent has always been the standard for criminal activity in Ontario ... If there is no intent to commit the action that makes up the crime or causes the harm, then the person would be more properly accused of negligence. Note that it is simply intent to commit the action: It does not involve knowledge that the action is criminal." If dead is dead, why don't all purposeful killers draw the same penalty? Why is killing divided into degrees? Are the dearly departed aware of any difference in the way they were dispatched?
BUM RAP: "Jeff -- your reader in the speeding cop car -- is not telling it as it is," corrects D. and several cop readers of a recent item. "His claim he was in a 51 division car in the '60s or '70s that drove at breakneck speeds downtown, with siren and lights flashing, is wrong. All divisional cars were six-bangers and did not have a siren. The deputy traffic chief would only allow sirens on traffic cars -- single- person units that went off duty up near Eglinton, not Dundas and Parliament. I remember one division patrol car in 1970 with only 20,000 miles on it: Its top speed on the Gardiner was 40 mph. No siren. Not a fast car. Perhaps Jeff is 'wishful thinkin' so he will have a complaint about the police ..." As Page Six speculated, maybe it's a ride on the CNE's ancient, rickety Wild Mouse that's stuck in his mind. And as some readers wondered: why was this guy in a police cruiser? Probably not pleasure.
© 2000 Gary Dunford Reach Dunf at (416) 947-2246 or by e-mail at pagesix@aol.com]
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